


The Collector

by yueninja



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Demons, Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Confusing, Engineer!Baekhyun, Fantasy, Horror, M/M, Mentions of Attempted Suicide, Mystery, Reincarnation?, So confusing, android!kyungsoo, demon!kyungsoo, i think this also might be, idk what kyungsoo is but he's not human, inspired and partially based off of iu's netflix project with the same name
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-08-11 01:31:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20145352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yueninja/pseuds/yueninja
Summary: Baekhyun is hired to repair a malfunctioning android. But, of course, things are never as they seem.





	1. And so it begins

**Author's Note:**

> me: no one is going to read this weird ass story so I shouldn't waste my time writing it  
also me: spends two months writing this weird ass story
> 
> also, i have barely proofread this, so i'm sorry for the inevitable mistakes in here

The mansion looms in the distance, grand and imposing with its wrought iron gates and neverending gardens. The single road that leads Baekhyun toward the only opening in the gate is wide and smooth under the wheels of the horse-drawn carriage.

Baekhyun fumbles for his microchip to identify himself as he reaches the gates, but they swing open of their own accord. He takes a closer look at the gates as he passes through and spots two small cameras on top of either side of the gate. This isn’t the first home Baekhyun has gone to where the security is misleadingly minimal, so he takes it in stride as they near the circular driveway that leads to the main doors.

At the doors, a single middle-aged man stands with his back perfectly erect. There are already frown lines forming around the man’s mouth and between his eyebrows. His hair is slicked back, making his receding hairline all the more prominent and Baekhyun resists the urge to run his fingers through his own hair.

As soon as the carriage stops, the man comes forward and opens the door for Baekhyun. When Baekhyun bends down to grab the luggage scattered around him on the floor of the carriage, the man holds a hand up.

“We will take care of your luggage, sir.” The man’s voice is a bit high and squeaky. Baekhyun can feel his lips twitching trying not to laugh at the juxtaposition between the man’s appearance and his comically pubescent voice.

“Oh, thank you,” Baekhyun manages to say. He still grabs his tool bag to keep close.

“If you wouldn’t mind following me, sir.” A white-gloved hand is held out toward the door, just as stiff as the man’s back.

“Of course. Lead the way,” Baekhyun responds with a bright smile, trying to combat the other man’s severity.

The wealth is apparent as Baekhyun’s boots scuff across the polished marble floors of the windowless entrance room. The only source of light is a geometric glass sculpture that stands at least ten feet tall. Little beads of light pulse through the glass, giving the illusion that the sculpture is constantly warping in space.

Baekhyun tears his eyes away from the beautiful piece and follows the man through the next hallway. There’s plush carpeting that looks hand woven going down the center of the entire hallway and Baekhyun begins regretting his choice in footwear. He tries his best not to track engine oil and whatever other gunk he might’ve picked up from his workshop onto the carpet.

The mansion is eerily silent as they make their way down the twisting hallways. There’s a constant source of sunlight from the windows on the left side of the hallways that seem to peer into an open courtyard and the light is made brighter by the mirrors that line the ceiling of the hallways, but it does nothing to quell the mysterious atmosphere.

The man finally stops them in front of a set of large mahogany doors.

“I will leave you here and prepare your room,” he informs Baekhyun, before opening the doors in front of them with a heavy push.

A lavish dining room greets him with overly long tables and a large bouquet of flowers sitting in the middle. There are candelabras on either end of the table and more candles hanging on the walls. The overall effect is rather Victorian.

“Ah.” A woman dressed in a rose-colored qipao stands up. “Hello.”

“Good afternoon,” Baekhyun answers, bowing and entering. The door shuts behind him.

Baekhyun scans the room to see a few servants standing around the perimeter and one other person seated at the other end of the dining table with a bowl of oatmeal in front of them. There seems to be no other food present.

The bouquet of flowers obscure the identity of the other person, so Baekhyun turns his attention to the woman in front of him.

“Are you Madame Song?” Baekhyun asks.

“Yes,” she confirms, holding a hand out to shake. Despite her old fashioned clothes, she can’t be more than fifty years old. “And you must be Baekhyun.”

“At your service,” Baekhyun responds, taking her velvet-gloved hand. It seems nearly everyone here wears gloves as he spots all the servants wearing white ones.

“Thank you for coming so quickly.” Madame Song turns to the figure at the other end of the table. “Kyungsoo, come here. I have someone to introduce to you.”

The figure is revealed to be a handsome young man that observes Baekhyun curiously as he walks up to Madame Song.

“This is Byun Baekhyun.” Madame Song fingers her string of pearls nervously as Kyungsoo continues to stare at Baekhyun with unnervingly focused eyes. “Baekhyun-ssi, this is Kyungsoo.”

“Nice to meet you,” Baekhyun says, smiling.

The other man finally blinks and tilts his head politely. “It’s nice to meet you as well, Byun Baekhyun-ssi.”

“Kyungsoo is the reason I called you here today,” Madame Song explains, looking relieved with the interaction. “I’ve called in so many other experts, but they can’t figure out what’s wrong with him.”

“What’s caused your concern?” Baekhyun asks, taking a better look at Kyungsoo. He’s a beautifully crafted android. If it weren’t for the intense eyes, Baekhyun would’ve thought he was human, even with all his experience.

“Well, he’s been having bouts of… I don’t know how to explain it. I’m sure Sehun or Jongin will be able to go more in-depth with Kyungsoo’s problems.”

Kyungsoo has a half-smile on his face as he listens to Madame Song attempting to explain his issues.

“Kyungsoo is the only family I have left,” Madame Song says after a moment. “I modeled him after my-” The older woman pauses to gather herself. “My son.”

“I see,” Baekhyun says kindly. “I’ll do my best to figure out what’s wrong.”

“Oh, you must be tired,” Madame Song says as if realizing Baekhyun is truly standing here in person. “I’ll have Soojung show you to your room.”

A young woman in a black and white servant’s uniform steps forward and bows. Her hair is knotted tightly at the top of her head and she seems just as serious as the first man who led Baekhyun to the dining room.

His walk to his room is silent and Soojung leaves him once she finishes explaining that his microchip is the key to his room. Baekhyun is unsettled by the fact that they managed to link his identification to their room, but he decides to look into it later.

His room is spacious but smaller than his workshop. There’s a large canopied bed pushed up against the west wall and the far wall is made entirely of glass, giving Baekhyun a view of the courtyard. The room also has a second floor that wraps around the edge of the room. The second floor seems to house a sitting room and a kitchen.

Baekhyun chooses to explore the doors on the first floor and finds that the first door leads to a bathroom. The shower and toilet are clearly very expensive with countless settings on them, and the light source seems to be similar to the pulsing light sculpture in the entrance hall, placed evenly along where the ceiling meets the walls. Baekhyun has plenty of nice tech in his own home because of his occupation as a renowned android engineer, but it’s not presented nearly as well as this.

He finally finds his luggage packed away in the large closet next to the bathroom. There’s not much to unpack other than his clothes, so Baekhyun decides to wait until he’s inspected the android. If he finds that it’s a simple error with faulty hardware or something else easily fixable, he can be done in a matter of hours, but if it’s something more complicated, he’ll need to settle in for a longer stay.

Baekhyun only stays in his room for half an hour before getting bored of tinkering with the shower’s spray settings. Maybe he can get a look at Kyungsoo right now.

The mansion seems to have come to life in the amount of time he’s been in his room. As soon as he enters the hallway, he sees two servants carrying clean linens and he can see through the omnipresent hallway windows that there’s flurry of movement throughout the entire mansion.

“Excuse me,” Baekhyun says, flagging down the two servants that walk past him. “Where is the dining room?”

“Down the hall and to your left, sir,” one of the young women directs.

“Thank you,” Baekhyun says with a grin. The two women flush a little at his smile and nod.

When he reaches the dining room, there are four servants cleaning up the dining room. One of them is sweeping something that looks suspiciously like a shattered bowl, but Baekhyun doesn’t pry.

“Do you know where I could find Madame Song?” Baekhyun inquires to the person nearest to him.

“The Madame is most likely taking a stroll in the gardens,” a man answers. His clean-cut movements and porcelain smooth skin have Baekhyun wondering if he’s in the presence of another android.

“What about Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun asks.

“The young master should be in his room.”

Baekhyun doesn’t miss the dark look two of the servants give each other. The one wielding the broom stutters in his movements, before recovering and continuing his sweeping.

“How do I get to his room?”

“Follow the river.”

Baekhyun frowns at the odd directive.

“He means to follow the river woven into the carpet,” one of the other servants clarifies.

“Ah, I see. Thank you both,” Baekhyun says, before leaving.

He looks down at his feet in the hallway and he sees the river they were talking about. It’s narrow and shoved to the side to make way for the other designs, but it’s visible. No wonder the carpet was so wide. Baekhyun thought it was a design choice, but now he sees that it was much more than that. The carpet must’ve taken months to create. Whoever designed the mansion must’ve had a love for art.

After a moment of admiring the carpet, Baekhyun figures out which way the current is going and follows it.

As Baekhyun nears the android’s room, the river begins to widen, pulling in all the other images beneath its depths.

“Creepy,” Baekhyun mutters to himself as his foot passes over a drowning angel.

The river leads him to a set of doors that are shaped into two giant, frothing waves. If Baekhyun wasn’t paying attention, he would’ve jumped back in fear of being swallowed whole by the body of water. Another beautiful piece in the strange manor.

Upon closer inspection, between the parting waves there’s a button shaped like a pearl. It seems to be a doorbell, so Baekhyun presses it.

There are a few seconds of silence before the doors open and Baekhyun has to leap back so as not to be hit in the face by them.

The first thing Baekhyun notices when the doors open is the light streaming into the room from a window that stretches from the floor to the ceiling. A beautiful golden ray shines directly onto the bed in the middle of the room, bathing the room in a warm light and making the bed seem as if it’s been dusted with gold.

“Hello, Baekhyun-ssi,” the android says in a soft voice. He’s sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed in loose-fitting silk pajamas.

“Hello,” Baekhyun responds, looking around the room. The sea theme has continued past the door with a color scheme of varying shades of blue and green. There’s also a slight tang of salt in the air, giving the room a soothing atmosphere. “How are you doing?”

“Not very well, seeing as you’ve been asked here,” Kyungsoo answers. He has a velvety voice that furthers his comforting aura. He must’ve cost Madame Song a fortune to create.

“Well, I wanted to get a headstart on figuring out what’s wrong with you,” Baekhyun tells him. “If you don’t mind.”

“By all means,” Kyungsoo responds with a sweet smile that Baekhyun returns.

“Could you take off everything covering your torso?” Baekhyun asks, keeping a short distance between them as he figures out what he’s going to check first.

“Of course.” Kyungsoo deftly unbuttons his top and shrugs it off.

It seems that he wasn’t built for anything other than formal appearances, seeing that his entire torso is made of undisguised metal and clear plastic.

“Whoa,” a new voice says.

Two young men holding a box of cufflinks and several ties freeze in the doorframe of a set of doors to the left of the wave doors.

“Jongin, Sehun, this is Baekhyun-ssi,” Kyungsoo says, barely reacting when Baekhyun takes out a screwdriver to remove the protective chest piece and kneels in front of him.

Both men bow gracefully. One has an intense, angular face made even more striking by his shock of white hair. The other is much more toned down with brown hair and features like a fairytale prince.

“I’m Jongin,” the prince says bowing.

“I’m Sehun,” the intense man says, following the other’s lead. “Pleased to meet you, sir.”

“Ditto,” Baekhyun returns with a quick smile, before setting the android’s plastic chest on the ground. “Madame Song said you two could go through Kyungsoo’s history with me?”

“Uh, yes,” Jongin confirms as he and Sehun walk up to Baekhyun’s side.

“So what exactly has been going on?” Baekhyun asks as he lightly taps the glowing core in the center of Kyungsoo’s chest that keeps the android running.

“Um, Kyungsoo hyung has been… hallucinating,” Jongin says with a frown.

“Hallucinating? Do you rest, Kyungsoo?” It’s not unheard of for machinery to begin crumbling because of constant use and it’s much more likely in such a humanoid one.

“At night, I charge up in a similar fashion to sleeping, but my tantrums are not induced through rest,” Kyungsoo answers in an even voice.

“He has moments where he loses control,” Sehun explains. “He can be in the middle of anything and he’ll freak out and start screaming and breaking things.”

“Have you ever hurt someone?” Baekhyun asks as he begins pushing wires out of the way so he can get a better look inside the android. Hurting a human violates a myriad of laws, but it’s happened before.

“No,” Kyungsoo answers. “I have not and will not hurt someone.”

He doesn’t sound offended, more like he’s reading off a script.

“I see. Is there anything that triggers these bouts?” Baekhyun is impressed with how shiny everything inside the android is. Whoever cleans him takes great care.

“In the beginning, it was every time we sat down for tea or coffee,” Jongin responds. “But now we can no longer keep track of which events set Kyungsoo hyung off.” Sehun nods in agreement, watching Baekhyun’s hands curiously as he begins to wiggle the core out of Kyungsoo’s chest.

“Who does the regular maintenance on Kyungsoo?”

“Master Zhang cleans Kyungsoo hyung weekly, but that’s about it.”

“I can perform maintenance on myself. At midnight, all my data is sent straight to a secure server.” Kyungsoo’s answer seems to surprise the two servants as they stare at Kyungsoo with widened eyes and parted lips.

“I see.” Baekhyun pops the core out and holds it up carefully. Kyungsoo doesn’t stop running, so that must mean he can hold a certain amount of power without the core in him. “I’ll need to access those files.”

“Of course,” Kyungsoo responds with another kind smile. “Would you like it sent to your tablet?”

“Yes,” Baekhyun replies. The core is lightweight but very powerful. Another small fortune. As he analyzes it, he asks, “What’s your first memory, Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo’s face settles into a blank expression as he searches his memories. After a long moment—long enough to worry Baekhyun, Kyungsoo tenses up and furrows his brows.

“What’s wrong?” Baekhyun asks, surprised to have run into a problem so early in his check-up.

“My first memory-” Kyungsoo’s frown deepens.

“Is it hard to pinpoint?” Baekhyun returns the core to Kyungsoo’s chest.

“Sir,” Jongin interrupts. “This is the expression he makes before every outburst.”

“Ah.” Baekhyun decides to back down. He’ll deal with this odd tantrum when he has all his tools and he’s more settled in. “Never mind, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo’s expression smooths out and he settles back into his soft, friendly smile. Once Baekhyun is sure that the android isn’t about to act up, he returns everything to its chest. Now that he’s been sent all the data that Kyungsoo has, he can go over it and figure out what exactly is wrong with him.

“Alright, thank you for your help,” Baekhyun says to the two servants who have been watching him put Kyungsoo back together. “I’ll be coming back for the next few days. When should I come in?”

“Kyungsoo hyung will usually be here if it isn’t meal time. Sehun and I are only here in the afternoon.” Jongin is still holding his perfect posture, but Sehun has relaxed a little, shoulders looser and arms hanging at his sides.

“Perfect,” Baekhyun says, giving Kyungsoo a cursory once over. “I’ll see you soon then, Kyungsoo.”

“I look forward to it,” Kyungsoo responds, buttoning up his shirt.

⺖

The house is rather easy to navigate now that Baekhyun knows the carpet isn’t just there for decoration. To get to the dining room, he follows the overflowing plates of food woven onto the sides.

The dining room becomes one of the most important rooms in the house because it’s the only place where more than five people congregate at a time and he also gets to observe Kyungsoo acting like a human. It’s eerie how lifelike the android’s actions are. He eats as well, which is a bit overkill to make a robot seem human, but Madame Song seems to like watching Kyungsoo eat.

It’s on his third day in the mansion that he overhears one of Kyungsoo’s tantrums in the dining room. There’s screaming, plate smashing, and a lot of hysterics, but that isn’t what cracks Baekhyun’s generally unflappable demeanor. It’s Kyungsoo’s voice.

“What have you done?” the android yells as people around it are trying to calm it down. “Where has everyone gone?”

The raw hurt in its voice has Baekhyun shivering and taking a step back.

“What have you done? _What have you done?_” it repeats until its voice is broken.

_Fuck, that’s some ridiculous technology right there_, Baekhyun thinks. This android easily crosses over the uncanny valley with a flood of emotion that Baekhyun isn’t sure even humans have access to.

When Baekhyun tries to ask Kyungsoo what the tantrum was about later that day, Kyungsoo has almost no recollection of it other than a few moments where he blacked out.

“Do you wipe your memories or does your processor just stop working?” Baekhyun asks.

“I think it stops working,” Kyungsoo answers. “I can’t remember what happens and my logs don’t indicate that I’ve deleted anything. Have you found anything in the logs that pertains to my condition?”

“No, I haven’t,” Baekhyun admits regrettably.

Kyungsoo lets out a long-suffering sigh and Baekhyun reminds himself that the man in front of him is made of metal and plastic.

⺖

“No!”

Baekhyun wakes up to the sound of his own panicked yell, legs tangled in the sheets of his blanket. The sound of his labored breathing fills the room as he struggles to get ahold of his surroundings. The windows around his room have been programmed to a dark, navy blue and the only source of light is the dimmed light strip that runs along the edges of the ceiling.

_Deep breaths_, Baekhyun tells himself. _In and out. Inhale and exhale._

When his heart finally smooths out its staccato beat, Baekhyun stands up and pulls on a shirt and some shoes. He isn’t going to be able to fall asleep any time soon, so he decides to go for a walk.

It shouldn’t be a surprise that his feet lead to Kyungsoo’s room. He’s spent almost all of his two weeks at the mansion with the charming android and it’s the route he’s most familiar with.

In the darkness, the waves that double as doors look as if they’re about to usher in a nasty storm and Baekhyun has to suppress a shiver. They’re needlessly intimidating.

He paces in front of the doors as he debates on whether he should wake up the android. It takes about four paces back and forth before Baekhyun finally walks up to the door and presses the button to alert Kyungsoo of his presence.

At night, the artificial sunlight streaming in through the windows has been changed to a light blue-green color, creating the illusion that the room is on the ocean floor.

“What brings you here at this time?”

Kyungsoo is already awake and sitting in the center of his bed. His bed is glowing very faintly and Baekhyun realizes it must be a cleverly disguised charging pad.

“I had a bad dream,” Baekhyun confesses, smiling as cheerfully as he can. The android observes him and Baekhyun swears he sees its eyes narrow.

“You wanted some company?”

“I suppose,” Baekhyun admits with an embarrassed laugh. “I hope you don’t mind. I know it’s late.”

“It’s a nice change of pace,” Kyungsoo assures Baekhyun. He pats his bed. “Sit down.”

Baekhyun does, shifting closer to Kyungsoo as the android beckons him closer.

“What was your dream about?” Kyungsoo asks curiously.

“I don’t remember,” Baekhyun responds. “But I felt panicked when I woke up.”

“Ah,” Kyungsoo says, hand moving to rest on Baekhyun’s back. “That doesn’t sound very good. Whenever I have bad dreams, I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths.”

Baekhyun turns to face the android in confusion. It could be pre-programmed lines, but androids aren’t supposed to dream.

“You have bad dreams?”

“Sometimes,” Kyungsoo says in an almost dreamy voice. His hand is warm and firm as he begins to rub Baekhyun’s back like a mother comforting her child. “I dream that I’m underwater, on the brink of losing consciousness. And then… water fills me so that I no longer have to fight to breathe.” Baekhyun has trouble connecting the words to Kyungsoo’s voice as the android sounds more and more buoyant. “And then, I change.” His hand stops moving and rests on the center of Baekhyun’s back. “I remember something and I begin moving again, but it’s too late.” Kyungsoo’s eyes grow unfocused and his head tilts to the side as if he can’t remember how to keep it up.

“You haven’t ever mentioned this before,” Baekhyun says, shaken by the intensity of Kyungsoo’s recollection.

“I… I forgot.” Kyungsoo reaches up to touch his own neck in confusion.

“Forgot what?” Baekhyun asks, reaching out to check the android’s functions.

Kyungsoo struggles, a wrinkle forming between his brows and his normally calm expression growing increasingly distressed. It’s the face he makes before he gets a tantrum.

Baekhyun forcefully feels along the skin underneath Kyungsoo’s jaw until he finds the sensor that opens up Kyungsoo’s body. It’s easier than grabbing his tools to unscrew the chest cavity cover, even if it means he can’t take things in and out of the android’s body.

“What are you doing?” Kyungsoo asks, his torso already jutting out underneath his sleep shirt. Baekhyun takes note of the rising pitch in the android’s voice and the agitated look on his face. “Why are you doing this?”

“I’m just trying to catch your system in the act,” Baekhyun explains in a soothing voice, although he doubts the android cares how gentle his voice is at the moment. It seems his recognition software is malfunctioning. Baekhyun can see that there are warning lights flashing inside the chest cavity, but he ignores them and begins looking around to see if anything is gravely wrong with his hardware.

His hand lands on the glowing core that’s supposed to keep Kyungsoo charged up. It’s loose.

“Has someone else been working inside your body Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun asks as he dislodges the core. The machinery is cool to touch despite the amount of energy running through it. Baekhyun can’t help but admire the craftsmanship for the nth time as he cradles it in his hands.

“You’re the only one,” Kyungsoo responds, but something is off with his answer. Baekhyun looks up to see that his expression has relaxed again. The faraway look in his eyes has returned, but he’s focused on Baekhyun. He looks at Baekhyun like the engineer is the most mesmerizing thing he’s ever seen. This doesn’t usually happen during Kyungsoo’s tantrums.

“Kyungsoo, are you alright?” Baekhyun debates scooting back to get away from Kyungsoo’s increasingly unpredictable behavior.

Kyungsoo ignores his question and instead reaches forward to touch the core cradled in Baekhyun’s hands.

“How,” Kyungsoo asks, other hand slowly moving until his fingertips graze Baekhyun’s chest, “does your heart beat?”

“Through science?” Baekhyun answers, feeling Kyungsoo add more pressure with his fingertips.

“Why does it beat?”

“Because it has to,” Baekhyun responds unsurely.

“No.” Kyungsoo’s eyes look almost human as he gazes into Baekhyun’s bewildered ones. “_Why_ does it beat? Why do _you_ choose to keep it beating?”

Baekhyun doesn’t know what to say as Kyungsoo’s palm presses flat against his chest. Under the eerie light, Baekhyun can’t quite tell if he’s awake or dreaming anymore.

Kyungsoo’s dark eyes are trained on him as he leans closer.

“Why do I not get to choose?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so all i really do on twitter is lurk and retweet random shit but if anyone ever wants to chat: [here it is](https://twitter.com/yue__ninja)


	2. A different time, a different place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter might be a bit confusing, please bear with me
> 
> here's a [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-iPrt7kZjE) that i listened to when writing this

“I’ll be right back,” he says, still looking down at his phone. “My friend is outside.”

“Oh, okay,” Boa says, trying to sound cheerful. “I’ll be here.”

As she waits, she plays with the straps of her purse and takes a few sips of her coffee. Five minutes pass and he’s not back. She looks around the cafe to find another woman staring at her with pity in her eyes. Boa flushes and faces her table to take another sip of her coffee. Ten minutes pass and she wonders if she’s done something wrong. He’s been cold and uninterested this entire afternoon. Has he found someone else while he was away vacationing in Europe? Fifteen minutes pass and the bitter aftertaste of coffee fills her senses. Twenty minutes pass and Boa decides to go find him.

She takes all her belongings with her, belatedly realizing he didn’t leave anything in the cafe. Swallowing down the burning humiliation she feels, Boa steps outside and chooses to look for him. Even for how he had been acting today, leaving her here is extreme.

It doesn’t take very much to find him. He’s standing to the side of the cafe and all at once Boa feels a rush of relief. The friend he’s talking to is a young man with a boxy smile and broad shoulders. She nearly sags against the wall, no longer feeling abandoned. Being this dependent on someone is foolish, she knows, but she can’t help it. She can’t help the way he makes her feel.

“I don’t know,” the other man is saying to him. “It is what it is.”

“I’m sure everything will work itself out,” he says, hand resting on the other man’s arm. He has that kind smile that Boa has been missing all day and he’s looking at the other man with genuine affection.

“Thanks,” the other man says, grinning back at him.

A cold feeling creeps its way into Boa’s chest.

His hand trails up the other man’s arm until it rests at his nape. The other man leans in closer until he’s nearly boxed him against the wall.

Boa wants to look away but she can’t.

“What about your noona?” he asks.

“What about her?”

She doesn’t quite see them kiss as her tears blur her vision, but she hears it. It starts with a soft sigh from the other man and then there’s a quiet moan from him. Even her blurred eyes can see them pulling each other closer.

Boa closes her eyes and turns around to go back into the cafe. She can’t go anywhere in this state.

A few more minutes pass as she orders a cup of tea and finds a private booth at the very back of the cafe, behind a velvet curtain. She’s never been to this cafe before, but it’s a quaint little thing that allows her to hide away from other people.

“Noona?”

Boa startles when she sees him peeking in from behind the curtain with a curious look on his face. His lips are redder and a bit swollen and she feels another surge of humiliation.

“What are you doing back here?”

“N-nothing. I just thought it’d be nice to have a little privacy,” she says, turning back to her tea.

“Oh.” He moves in front of her and sits down in the plush armchair. “Sorry that took so long.”

“It’s fine.” She looks down at her distorted reflection.

“What did you want to talk to me about?”

Boa looks up at him and sees those disinterested eyes again. She doesn’t have anything she actually wants to talk about, she was just desperate to keep him here a little longer.

“Noona?” he asks again, annoyance creeping into his voice.

Boa feels something inside her crack.

“Don’t you think you should be a little kinder?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you even care about why I asked you here?”

“I assumed you were trying to sleep with me again,” he responds and Boa feels tears welling up again.

“Excuse me?”

“That’s what you wanted last time, and the time before that, and the time before that.” His eyes are dull as he watches her.

“I-I thought you wanted to.”

When he doesn’t answer, she looks down and blinks, a few tears falling into her tea.

“What is this? Are we dating? Are we in a relationship?” Boa hates the sound of her shaky voice.

“We’re on a date right now,” he answers.

“I saw you,” she says, trying to temper her flare of anger. “You and that man. What kind of date involves one person going off to kiss a ‘friend’?”

“I was bored.”

Boa doesn’t manage to smother her first sob, but she stops the second one.

“I divorced my husband for you,” she manages to say between a wave of tears. “I left my family for you.”

“I didn’t ask you to do that,” he says, indifferent.

“I love you,” she confesses, desperation seeping into her voice. “What do I have to do to make you love me back?”

“Do you really?” he asks, handsome face resembling a stone sculpture.

“I do. I do.” Boa leans in, tears streaming down her face. “Please, I’ll do anything.”

“Do you even know what love is?” he asks, eyes flashing.

“Can’t you see I do? I love you.”

Boa feels a glimmer of hope as he leans in as well, eyes more expressive than they’ve been in a long time.

“Prove it,” he says, his voice becoming more impassioned. “Show me your heart. Take it out and show it to me.” His open palm comes down on the table in a loud slap that has Boa jumping, her heart racing. “Lay it out on the table and show me how true your love is.”

His eyes are bright, practically glowing with fervor. It’s mesmerizing.

Boa wants to see more of it.

She puts a hand to her chest, barely noticing the tears leaving little streaks down her face. It takes a moment, but she feels it comes loose.

He has a beautiful smile on his face as she holds out her warm, beating heart. It’s slippery and she nearly drops it, but he’s there to cradle her hands with his own.

“Oh, it’s _lovely_,” he says in an enamoured voice. His eyes are trained solely on her heart as she lets him take it. “I’ll take good care of it.” He reaches down into his bag and pulls out a clean mason jar. “I’ll make sure to salt and brine it so that it doesn’t rot.” Boa watches as her heart is placed carefully into the mason jar. He pulls out a label and a pen. “What was your name again?”

“Boa. Kwon Boa,” she replies numbly.

“Oh, right,” he says, lighting up as he prints her name in neat hangul. “Thank you, Boa noona. I’ll take care of this.”

⺖

His name is Kyungsoo. His parents are human, but he is not. This is all he is sure of.

“Where’s your girlfriend?” his new prey asks.

“Hm?”

“That noona you were on the coffee date with.”

“We broke up,” Kyungsoo answers, enjoying the way the other man looks away in discomfort.

“Because of me?”

“No. Because of me.”

⺖

Push and pull. Back and forth. In and out. This is as natural as breathing.

“If you really love me, prove it.” Kyungsoo relishes those pink lips parted in shock. “Show me your heart. Take your heart out and lay it on the table. Can you do that?” He leans forward, entranced with the tears that fill another set of eyes. When they slip out of the other man’s eyes, it looks like he’s crying diamonds and Kyungsoo feels his heart beat a little faster. “It’s been a while since someone has been able to do that for me.”

The man stares back, heartbroken. His hair is a honey blonde that falls into his face, obscuring those shimmering eyes as he reaches up to touch his own chest. Three months of playing with this man and he’s almost there again.

_Just sink those fingers into that pretty chest and give me what I want_, Kyungsoo thinks.

And he does. That beautiful organ is pulled right out, warm and powerful. Kyungsoo can’t wait to prepare this one.

“Is this what you wanted?” he asks as Kyungsoo takes the heart into his hands.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo answers, stroking the heart reverently. Beautiful.

Taking out his mason jar, Kyungsoo places the heart into it with care. “Don’t worry. I’ll take good care of it,” Kyungsoo says as he reaches for something to label the jar with.

He looks up to gauge the man’s reaction, but is met with something other than a broken expression.

“W-What is that?” Kyungsoo asks, pen slipping out of his hand with a clatter.

It’s a heart, Kyungsoo can see that, but it’s not the usual red and pink. This one is as transparent as glass, glowing with a gentle white light that reflects off of their faces as the other man cradles it with two hands. Like a moth to a flame, Kyungsoo draws closer, hands reaching out to embrace the man’s two shaking ones.

_Ah._

“Do you want this one as well?” the man asks, eyes flitting up to meet Kyungsoo’s for a brief second. There’s so much pain in them.

Kyungsoo watches the foreign heart pulse, sending dark blue through the veins and arteries.

“No,” Kyungsoo says, knowing something has gone terribly wrong. “It isn’t mine to take.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, this entire chapter is heavily based off of iu's show


	3. A mind and its memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmmm, so this was supposed to be three chapters, but now it isn't...

Baekhyun can’t find anything wrong. He’s gone through all of Kyungsoo’s data, his main machinery, his memory logs. He’s even gone through the android’s fucking metadata just to make sure he’s been checking the proper data. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the android.

“What’s the matter?” Kyungsoo asks when Baekhyun sighs after perusing the latest set of data Kyungsoo has sent him.

“I think I’m going to have to start taking you apart,” Baekhyun says, setting down his tablet. “I’ve only been in your torso, but I think it’d be best if I looked at the rest of your body.”

“I’ll trust you,” Kyungsoo says placidly. Ever since that one night, Kyungsoo has been more docile and his episodes have become much more interspersed. Unfortunately for Baekhyun, his own nightmares haven’t gotten any better, so he can only envy the android’s relaxed state.

Baekhyun takes apart one of Kyungsoo’s arms and is unsurprised to see everything is well oiled and free of dust. And it goes on like this for a while. Soon he has one arm, one leg, and Kyungsoo’s entire torso laid out in front of him. The android is still running, but only because it’s connected to a power source.

Just when Baekhyun is about to give up on his hunt, something catches his eye.

“Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun asks as he holds up the nimble pieces that form Kyungsoo’s fingers. “How old are you?”

“I’m not sure I understand the question,” Kyungsoo responds. Baekhyun is unsettled by the image of a limbless Kyungsoo and looks away.

“When were you created?”

“I’m not sure I understand the question,” Kyungsoo repeats.

Baekhyun frowns at the odd response and turns one of the parts slowly.

“This is an old part,” Baekhyun says as he grabs his tablet and scans the serial number. “Almost thirty years old.”

“Perhaps they used an older model to create me.”

“They’ve spent a fortune on making you the way you are.” Baekhyun impatiently watches the tablet search the databases for a match on Kyungsoo’s part. “I doubt they’d skimp on a few fingers and toes.”

“How do you know these parts are old?” Kyungsoo asks.

“I work with androids,” Baekhyun says, still focused on his tablet. “I’ve seen these parts before on older models.”

“How old am I supposed to be?”

“No more than ten years old,” Baekhyun answers just as he hears a beep signaling his search has finished.

No matches.

“What?” Baekhyun murmurs to himself, swiping the screen desperately. There’s nothing.

“Is everything alright?” Kyungsoo asks as Baekhyun tries not to flip out. He’s practically done this his entire life. Just because he can’t find something in an official database doesn’t mean he can’t find it at all.

“Your parts don’t exist,” Baekhyun answers. His fingers fly across the screen as he types in what he’s looking for. “I swear I’ve seen them before on older models though.”

“On what types of models?”

“They’re older than me, so I’m not quite sure,” Baekhyun says. “But if I’m careful, I should be able to find them. Like… this!”

Baekhyun turns his screen to show Kyungsoo a part from a much older android that matches the appearance of Kyungsoo’s own parts.

“This is a twenty-seven year old model,” Baekhyun says. “And it looks like it’s going to match your finger joints.”

“How old are you?” Kyungsoo asks.

“The same age as this part,” Baekhyun says with a laugh, relieved he’s finally getting somewhere. “I’m going to figure you out, Kyungsoo. I swear.”

“I believe you,” Kyungsoo replies, smiling in response to Baekhyun’s grin.

His search leads him to the rest of Kyungsoo’s body until the only thing left is the headpiece. Baekhyun is very hesitant to take it apart because the head is the most delicate part of any android with a face. It’s why he saved it for last and didn’t even think of touching it until he desperately needed to. The microexpressions and facial movements are timed down to the last nanosecond and if Baekhyun messes up taking the head apart or putting it back together, he'd have to stay at least two more months to recalibrate the entire face.

It takes him nearly an hour to take everything apart and lay it out, but when he finishes setting Kyungsoo’s eyepiece down, he notices something odd.

“Why is your temperature and moisture being regulated in here?” Baekhyun asks.

When he gets no answer, he realizes it’s because he took apart Kyungsoo’s voice box. In fact, Kyungsoo has been completely disassembled and all that’s really left is his alloy frame.

It’s uncomfortable to see the android’s entire body laid out in front of him, metallic and foreign. Baekhyun looks away and focuses on taking apart the last of his headpiece. It’s an elliptical cover that’s loosely sealed and Baekhyun can feel an irregular amount of heat emanating from it. With a light touch, Baekhyun takes the last of Kyungsoo apart.

Then, everything makes sense.

⺖

“I’d like to have a word with you,” Baekhyun says. The three servants who tried to stop him from entering Madame Song’s study follow him in, flustered and apologetic to the mistress of the estate.

“Byun Baekhyun-ssi, what is the problem?” Madame Song asks, eyes widening when she notices that Baekhyun has dragged Kyungsoo into the room with him. She waves the servants away as she leans forward in her chair.

“I need something explained to me,” Baekhyun says as he guides Kyungsoo into a chair. “Why are Kyungsoo’s parts so old? It’s clear that you care for him, so why is he composed of parts that are nearly thirty years old?”

Madame Song doesn’t seem to have an answer as she swallows nervously and eyes Kyungsoo.

“I wasted an entire month going through his hard drive and the main components in his torso because it never crossed my mind that the problem would lie with his mind,” Baekhyun says. He’s composed and professional despite his anger.

Madame Song’s expression tenses and the skin on her face tightens as she clenches her jaw. She knows exactly what Baekhyun is talking about.

“Madame Song, why do you have a _brain_ inside Kyungsoo’s headpiece?”

The matriarch doesn’t move as Baekhyun takes out a screwdriver and removes the top of Kyungsoo’s head to reveal the organ that he was so distressed to find. Madame Song flinches at the sight and looks away.

“Kyungsoo isn’t your son, is he?”

There’s a pregnant pause as Madame Song seems to gather herself.

“No. He isn’t.”

“Who is he then?”

“Could you please cover that up?” she asks, gesturing at Kyungsoo’s head with her head turned away.

Baekhyun does so. Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to realize anything is wrong. That or he’s actively removing himself from the situation. Baekhyun can’t tell whether he thinks in algorithms or human thought anymore.

“Who is he?”

“He-he was my fiance,” Madame Song reveals, eyes returning to Kyungsoo’s face. When Baekhyun stays silent, waiting for her to continue, she lets out a mournful sigh and seems to surrender.

“Our engagement was a business transaction between our families more than anything. Very early on, he made his disinterest clear and continued to see other people. He had never hidden his… hedonistic tendencies and went from person to person without much thought. It felt like he was meeting with a new paramour every other day.”

Baekhyun watches as Madame Song watches Kyungsoo with poorly concealed longing. Kyungsoo must’ve been very charming if she still looks at him so fondly despite his actions.

“One day, he came back from one of those meetings muttering about how he had made a mistake and… the next day he jumped off a bridge. His parents had been worried about his comings and goings for a while so he was being monitored, otherwise, they wouldn’t have been able to get to him on time. But by the time he had arrived at the hospital his body had already given up, so we created a replica of him.”

“Using his actual brain as the main processing system,” Baekhyun finishes for her.

Madame Song nods with the decency to look ashamed.

“And you’ve kept him here all this time?”

“Yes,” Madame Song confirms, mouth downturned. “I couldn’t bear to let him go.”

“Did you wipe his memories of the events that conspired before he attempted suicide?”

“Of course,” Madame Song says, scandalized. “If he didn’t have his will to live, it would’ve all been for nothing.”

Baekhyun thinks for a moment as Kyungsoo stares at Madame Song blankly. He seems to have tuned out the conversation.

“And so whenever you talk about this, he actively stops listening?”

“Yes,” Madame Song says sadly. “Or else his memories are triggered.”

“Is this why he’s been malfunctioning?”

“I-I don’t think so,” Madame Song answers honestly. “Otherwise I would’ve said something.”

Baekhyun watches Kyungsoo’s unmoving form. Madame Song seems to catch onto his conflicting emotions.

“I’ll pay you double if you can figure out what’s wrong with him. Please, please don’t leave.” She stands up, looking determined. “Byun Baekhyun-ssi, I will do anything to get him back to normal.”

“What you’re doing is wrong.”

“We haven’t broken any laws,” Madame Song says, expression imploring. “Please, you’re one of the best. Surely you can figure something out.”

Baekhyun thinks of all the money he’s already received, of all the money he’s already spent.

“I don’t want double,” Baekhyun says, and Madame Song seems prepared to give him triple. “I’ll take what we’ve agreed upon and I’ll continue working on him. And then when everything is done, I want you to wipe my microchip from your servers and I don’t want any contact from this family again.”

It’s a low price, Baekhyun knows, but he doesn’t want to blackmail anyone.

“Done,” Madame Song agrees, shoulders sagging with relief.

⺖

Memories can’t truly be wiped. The most that can be done is to suppress them, but it isn’t a foolproof solution. The human brain will always seek out stimulus, and if Kyungsoo has been stuck in the same place for thirty years, Baekhyun is surprised he didn’t start malfunctioning earlier. A repetitive routine forces the mind to find new things to explore and in Kyungsoo’s case, there was a wealth of memories to go traipsing through. Because his mind was trying to access memories that were programmed to disappear, Kyungsoo began to malfunction.

“All I have to do is make sure your memories are being properly suppressed and then you should stop glitching,” Baekhyun tells Kyungsoo, trying to fill up the silence. It’s been almost a week since his confrontation with Madame Song and Kyungsoo has been more inclined to stay silent. It’s beginning to worry Baekhyun.

“Or you could give them back,” Kyungsoo says in a voice so soft Baekhyun isn’t quite sure if he imagined it.

“What?”

“I’ll trust you,” Kyungsoo says. He gives Baekhyun a small smile, but it seems forced.

⺖

It isn’t until he wakes up one night from a dream so vivid he mistakes it for reality that Baekhyun realizes something is wrong with his relationship with the cyborg. His first instinct is to go to Kyungsoo and talk to him, but echoes of his dream come back to him and suddenly all Baekhyun can remember is a warm mouth on his and hands wandering places they shouldn’t.

“What the fuck,” Baekhyun breathes out as he realizes he needs to take a cold shower. “What’s wrong with you?”

There are people who have a taste for metal and plastic rather than human flesh, and for a moment Baekhyun feels disgusted for even entertaining the idea of Kyungsoo being more than just a platonic companion, but then he begins to remember. A smile mirroring his own. Warm skin touching his own. A beating heart in time with his own.

Baekhyun feels his chest clench as if protesting the flood of emotion that has him curling in over himself. What is this feeling? Where is it coming from? He’s never felt this strongly towards Kyungsoo before.

Another flash of his dream comes to mind.

_“Tell me you love me,” Baekhyun urges, hovering above Kyungsoo with a teasing grin. Their breaths mingle together as they pant, recovering from their previous activity and when Kyungsoo frowns, Baekhyun tries again._

_“Come on.” Baekhyun captures Kyungsoo’s lips in a kiss and then pulls him so that they’re lying side by side. “I want you to say it once.”_

_“I’m not supposed to,” Kyungsoo says, although he seems distracted, mesmerized by Baekhyun’s smile._

_“What do you mean?” Baekhyun asks, pulling the sheets up to cover their bodies from the air conditioning. “Just say it. I. Love. You.”_

_“Usually people don’t want their partners to be directed into saying those words,” Kyungsoo says as he pokes Baekhyun on the forehead. _

_“You’ve almost said it to me twice.” Baekhyun cups Kyungsoo’s cheek. “I just want to hear it in full.”_

_Kyungsoo’s eyes widen and for once he seems unsure of himself. _

_“I’m not supposed to,” he repeats and Baekhyun pouts._

_“If you’re that worried,” Baekhyun says, pulling Kyungsoo closer, “you can whisper it.”_

_Kyungsoo’s eyes search Baekhyun’s. _

_“Alright.”_

_He leans in, lips brushing Baekhyun’s ears._

_“I-”_

Baekhyun frowns. That’s all he can remember.

_I’ll power through them_, Baekhyun decides. There isn’t any time to be having sleepless nights when he’s this close to figuring Kyungsoo out. This Kyungsoo, not the dream one. He finds his sleeping pills and takes one.

In the morning, he forgets.

⺖

It takes a few more days, but Baekhyun finally works the logistics out. He needs to completely return Kyungsoo’s memories and then suppress them again himself. It’s tedious work, but Baekhyun is good at his job and he’s sure of his success. He puts his plan into motion six weeks after his initial arrival at the manor.

“It’s late, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo says as Baekhyun double-triple-quadruple checks Kyungsoo’s different stability levels. “You can continue this tomorrow.”

“No,” Baekhyun says, eyes flashing as he looks out the window. He’s turned off the artificial light that usually streams onto the center of Kyungsoo’s bed. “It has to be tonight.”

“Why is that?” Kyungsoo asks, sitting calmly on the edge of his bed as Baekhyun works around him.

“Oh, I just like the mood tonight,” Baekhyun replies, forcibly lightening his tone and giving Kyungsoo a quick grin. It’s because he has to do this before he begins second-guessing himself. “Look, it’s a full moon. All spooky.”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo says, but he doesn’t look out the window as he touches Baekhyun’s cheek. “Baekhyun, are you alright? You don’t seem too well.”

“I’m fine,” Baekhyun assures Kyungsoo, stopping so that he can rest a hand on Kyungsoo’s knee. “You’re fine. We’ll be fine.”

“Alright,” Kyungsoo says, letting his hand drop.

“Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun says as he finishes setting up the last component. “You won’t hurt me, will you?”

“No,” Kyungsoo replies, looking concerned. “Why would I do that?”

“I need to return your memories,” Baekhyun informs him, fiddling with a useless piece of wire he found in his pocket. “And then wipe them again.”

“I won’t hurt you,” Kyungsoo responds with a gentle smile. “I could never hurt you.”

Baekhyun nods and looks away, tired of trying to keep a lighthearted expression on his face.

“Here we go.” Baekhyun flips the switch.

It takes only a few seconds for Kyungsoo’s memories to be returned, and once they are Baekhyun doesn’t look up from his screen, afraid of what he’ll see. Kyungsoo wasn’t exactly a kind person before his memories were suppressed, and now he gets to meet the man who neglected his fiance and took new lovers every week.

There’s also the unsettling reminder of the Kyungsoo that keeps appearing in his dreams, but Baekhyun forces them out of his head.

“Oh,” Kyungsoo says, voice unchanged. “I can hear your heart beating from all the way over here. What has you so nervous?”

Baekhyun closes his eyes and pretends to be concentrating on the readings, back facing Kyungsoo. His voice may be unchanged but there’s something that’s off.

“Just one second,” Baekhyun says, opening his eyes and forcing himself to check over all the stats. “Everything looks good.”

“Baekhyun.”

The hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He’s never heard Kyungsoo say his name like that, at least not in person. It sounds like a sigh, but it floats through the air like smoke. Baekhyun looks down to see his hands shaking.

“What are you so afraid of?”

This isn’t a dream, but why does he feel like he’s in one?

“Baekhyun.”

“Stop,” Baekhyun says sharply. “Please, just give me a moment.”

Silence answers him.

“All of your systems seem to be functioning fine. There’s a spike in activity on all ends, which makes sense because of the flood of information you received. All in all, you look fine.”

Baekhyun finally steels himself and turns to give Kyungsoo a strained smile. Kyungsoo doesn’t return it as he observes Baekhyun carefully. This is the first sign that Kyungsoo is no longer the same.

“Don’t smile if you don’t mean it,” Kyungsoo says, watching him with an enigmatic poker face. “You look like you’re going to be sick.”

“I’m fine.”

“You said that before we started,” Kyungsoo tells him, “and you’re just as convincing as you were the first time.”

“How do you feel?” Baekhyun asks, ignoring Kyungsoo’s observation. He takes a step forward, gauging whether Kyungsoo will let him check his hardware. “Do you remember everything?”

Kyungsoo stares at Baekhyun for a second before bursting into laughter. Baekhyun jumps from the sound and watches as Kyungsoo runs a hand through his perfectly coiffed hair.

“How about you, Byun Baekhyun?” Kyungsoo loops his fingers around Baekhyun’s wrist before the engineer can jump back. “How do you feel? What do you remember?”

“I-” It becomes harder to breathe as Kyungsoo refuses to let go. They’re close enough that if Kyungsoo tilted his head a little more they’d be kissing. Like in his dream. “I don’t like men.”

“I didn’t ask you that,” Kyungsoo says. “But I suppose that means…” His grip loosens and Baekhyun wrenches his hand away, taking the chance to put some distance between the two of them. “You must remember something.”

“What are you?” Baekhyun asks, feeling his heart beating faster, louder. His heart…

“Ah.” Kyungsoo grins and stands up. Baekhyun takes a step back. “Are you scared of me?”

“Should I be?” Baekhyun replies. Unwanted images of stolen moments are surfacing in his mind more rapidly than before and Baekhyun struggles to separate his imagination from reality.

“You of all people shouldn’t be,” Kyungsoo says, reaching out again, but this time he waits for Baekhyun to give him approval. “Are you going to erase me again?”

_“I love you.”_

“I-I don’t-” Baekhyun tries to get a hold of his surroundings, but everything is beginning to blur together. He should’ve taken something to relax himself before he began.

“Baekhyun?” He hears the concern in Kyungsoo’s voice and feels his hand reach out to hold Baekhyun’s own. “What’s wrong?”

_“I love you.”_

“Stop saying that,” Baekhyun says, having trouble breathing. His heart feels like it’s going to beat right out of his chest.

“Saying what?”

“That you love me,” Baekhyun hisses, making a fist over his chest. “Stop saying that.”

“Why?” Kyungsoo asks. “Are you afraid of what you remember?”

_“I love you.”_

“I said stop,” Baekhyun says. He can’t think anymore. He doesn’t know what he’s doing here, where he is, why he’s been asked here. “Please stop,” he says, voice cracking. His knees give out and Kyungsoo barely manages to keep him from crashing onto the ground.

“Is it my voice that you’re hearing?” Kyungsoo asks, voice growing soft and soothing. It’s a tone that Baekhyun has grown accustomed to, but he never expected it to come from this Kyungsoo.

_“I love you.”_

“Y-yes,” Baekhyun answers, holding his head in his hands. “Make it stop.”

“You’re hearing the most important words I’ve ever uttered,” Kyungsoo says. He sounds like he’s smiling. “Relish it while you can.”

“What do you mean?” Baekhyun mumbles, trying to wish the hallucinations away. He doesn’t even know what he’s seeing anymore. There are just jumbled images of moments lost to the past.

“I’ve only ever told one person that I loved them,” Kyungsoo says, stroking Baekhyun’s hair to calm him down. “And that was my downfall.”

“But you… you killed yourself.” Baekhyun can feel someone’s grief fill him like lead and weigh him down as he recalls Kyungsoo’s attempt at death. Is it his own?

“Baekhyun, do you remember me?” Kyungsoo asks, still speaking in a hushed voice.

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun says, but some of the images are becoming clearer.

“I’ve been trapped here for twenty-seven years,” Kyungsoo says, sounding sorrowful. This isn’t the Kyungsoo he’s become familiar with. “Alone.” His hand stills in Baekhyun’s hair. “Waiting for something.”

A heart.

Baekhyun remembers his heart beating in his chest as Kyungsoo urges him on. He feels his own hand impossibly pierce his chest. Then, there’s pain. Indescribable, immeasurable pain. It lasts for a moment, or perhaps it lasts for eternity. And then… then there’s a hollowness that lingers far longer than it should.

“What are you?” Baekhyun asks again as he clutches his own chest, confirming that his heart is still there, still beating.

“I don’t know,” Kyungsoo answers, and Baekhyun can tell he’s being honest.

“You took my heart,” Baekhyun says, feeling a tear slip down his cheek.

“And you took mine,” Kyungsoo returns.

Baekhyun finally looks up. Kyungsoo’s artificial eyes stare back, but Baekhyun can see his own pain mirrored in them.

“You were my downfall, Byun Baekhyun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry guys, this story has been a bit wild


	4. bump, bump, bump

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gahhhhhhhh

Before Kyungsoo had everything taken away from him, he lived by one simple rule: never be the first to give in.

He likes his rule because it’s vague enough that he can apply it to nearly everything, but it does focus on one aspect of his lifestyle in particular. Never be the first to give in, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.

Because people are weak and Kyungsoo is not, this rule aids him swimmingly. He takes heart after heart, earning people’s love and then making sure they’ll never love again. It’s horrible, he knows, but it makes him feel wonderful and warm and _loved_.

Sometimes he wonders whether he’s always been like this, but his life doesn’t feel like a before and after. He can’t remember the exact moment he realized he liked receiving other people’s love, even if he can remember the first heart he took.

Park Chanyeol. A wide-eyed, floppy-eared boy who pined after him through all of middle school. Kyungsoo thinks that he probably liked him too because he gave Chanyeol a kiss before the boy gave Kyungsoo his heart. He didn’t even ask for it; it was just given to him. Receiving something as sweet as that filled Kyungsoo’s own heart to the brim for weeks and once it was depleted, he realized he hungered for more.

His first attempt to forcibly take someone’s heart went as well as one would expect. He chose a random stranger off the street and used his sweet middle schooler face to lure the young lady into an alleyway. When he took her heart, she screamed and then collapsed. Kyungsoo’s pretty sure she died. He felt terrible and her heart wasn’t even nice. It gnarled up the second it came out of her chest and keeping it for too long made him feel as if his heart was pumping ash through his arteries. He tossed it within a matter of days.

It’s in high school, when he learns about preserving organs, that he realizes he can boost the amount of time one heart lasts him. It’s also in high school that he learns that the best hearts are the ones given willingly. They’re always so warm and each feels a little different. Some are burning with passion while others envelop him in a soft cocoon. All of them make him happy.

The longest amount of time Kyungsoo’s gone without a heart is about two weeks. Exam season, junior year. He powers through his exams then lays in bed, wondering why he feels so hollow. A lonely ache settles in him until he feels his entire body grow so heavy he thinks he might just fall straight through the floors, straight through the ground, until he reaches the center of the earth.

The only reason he’s able to get back up is because his neighbor notices and begins to check on him everyday. It takes about a week to gain her heart and because it’s a rush job, he has to find someone else right away.

Now, clearly, none of this is natural. Kyungsoo isn’t sure where these cravings come from, but he knows they aren’t from the human side of him—if he has a human side at all. He’s observed his parents and pored through thousands of stories, testimonies, theories, but there’s nothing. The closest thing he could find was an incubus, but sex isn’t what drives him. No, what he yearns for is _love_.

⺖

He meets Baekhyun on the first day of the spring semester in his psychology class. They’re paired up for a project a few weeks in and when Baekhyun gives him an impish smile during one of their meetups, Kyungsoo decides he’ll be his next heart.

During this time, Kyungsoo finds that he has a preference for an angsty kind of love, the desperate kind that ends with Romeo and Juliet both dead and everyone else miserable. By now, he knows how to prepare his meals and he takes extra care with Baekhyun. He’s handsome and sweet and Kyungsoo can’t wait to tear him apart. The years have made him cruel because if he can’t enjoy the hunt, then all he has is the prey. And that’s just too boring.

But he underestimates Baekhyun. Instead of stringing Baekhyun along and leaving him waiting all the time, Kyungsoo finds that he’s the one being tugged in one direction and he’s the one checking the time and arriving before Baekhyun can cancel on him. And Baekhyun knows exactly what he’s doing. He laughs when Kyungsoo tries to explain his frustration and kisses him breathless when Kyungsoo tries to yell at him.

“I’m going to make you work for every bit of my time,” Baekhyun reveals when they break apart and Kyungsoo’s still gasping for air through bruised lips. “I won’t be another one of your conquests.”

Kyungsoo might be selfish but Baekhyun is doubly so. He’s kind to everyone but Kyungsoo and when Kyungsoo tries to coax out the sweet demeanor Baekhyun has with everyone else all he gets is an infuriating smirk and teasing words. Baekhyun refuses to share the good in him and Kyungsoo finds him all the more appetizing for it.

This is all before Kyungsoo makes the mistake of indulging in Baekhyun’s increasingly insistent request.

“Tell me you love me.”

Kyungsoo blames it on his post-coital daze, but he knows that it wouldn’t have taken much more to get him to say it.

“I love you.” Kyungsoo watches Baekhyun and when he gets a bright smile instead of a smirk, his stomach twists and his heart beats more forcefully like it’s trying to push out of his chest. Oh no.

He decides to ask for Baekhyun’s heart by the end of the week, trying desperately to fix his mistake. Maybe abruptly cutting off the time they spend together will help. But in the end, Kyungsoo isn’t the only one who comes into possession of a new heart when Baekhyun gives away his.

It takes a few moments for Baekhyun to really concentrate on the fact that he has a beating heart in his hands. The heart isn’t human but it’s pumping perfectly fine.

“What do I do with it?” Baekhyun asks in a daze. Tears are still streaming down his face, but they aren’t fresh. They’re leftover tears, forgotten tears.

“Whatever you want,” Kyungsoo replies as he realizes what’s happening. “It’s yours now.”

“But,” Baekhyun looks to the mason jar, “I thought-”

“That one is mine and this one is yours,” Kyungsoo explains sharply. There’s an ache in his chest that isn’t disappearing.

Baekhyun flinches when the heart pulses in his hand.

“Was this one yours?” he asks as if mocking Kyungsoo.

“It doesn’t matter,” Kyungsoo says, standing up. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Before Baekhyun can say anything else, Kyungsoo leaves with his mason jar. He needs to go somewhere else. Somewhere he can see the sky and the sea in equal parts. But because they’re near the city, a river will have to do.

⺖

For a while Kyungsoo thinks, listening to the water run underneath him. He thinks about what he has become and what he will become. There isn’t much else in this world for him other than his collection of hearts. And now, it seems he has lost the most important part of his collection. Now, everything has started to hurt.

To no longer be in possession of his own heart means to lose control of his feelings, his wants and desires. It means to be at the beck and call of someone else and putting someone else’s well being in front of his own. It means caring.

He doesn’t want that.

And so, he jumps.

⺖

He dreams for a while. Sometimes the dreams reach too close to the surface of his consciousness and Kyungsoo becomes lucid enough to ask them what they’ve done to him, but just as quickly he’s pulled back under.

⺖

When his memories are recovered, Kyungsoo wakes up to a loss of sensation. He can hear someone’s heart pounding rapidly and when he opens his eyes he can see, but there’s nothing else. He can’t feel anything as he runs his hands along the sheets on the bed and he can’t smell anything. His mouth feels dry and tasteless as well.

It doesn’t take him very long to figure out what’s wrong with his body, but he doesn’t get a chance to properly address his growing list of problems as he recognizes Baekhyun and finds that he needs to talk him through a panic attack. Kyungsoo is all false bravado as Baekhyun’s memories slowly filter through, but the moment Kyungsoo reveals what Baekhyun is to him Kyungsoo lets go of his confident persona.

Baekhyun only takes a few more minutes before properly looking at Kyungsoo and voicing his thoughts.

“What you did was unforgivable,” Baekhyun tells him. “I was just the person who stopped you from hurting anyone else. Your only downfall was yourself.”

“If you want to look at it that way,” Kyungsoo replies, feeling so devoid of physical sensation he isn’t quite sure how to move.

“Where did you put my heart?” Baekhyun asks, watching Kyungsoo warily.

“A safe place,” Kyungsoo answers vaguely. He puts some space between the two of them when he realizes Baekhyun can support himself. “I can get it right now.”

“Wait,” Baekhyun says, holding a hand out. “Where is it?”

“It’s in my mind’s eye,” Kyungsoo says.

“What?” Baekhyun is giving Kyungsoo a strange look.

“I hid it in my mind.”

Baekhyun stares at him for a moment before nodding. “Of course you did.” Kyungsoo thinks he’s being sarcastic, but Baekhyun’s face is blank. “That means you can get it right now as in _right now_?”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo answers. “Do you want me to?”

Baekhyun narrows his eyes and stands up, reaching for a screwdriver.

“How can I trust you?”

“I promised I wouldn’t do anything to you,” Kyungsoo says, mirroring Baekhyun’s own movements. Everything is numb as he gets up and he isn’t quite sure where his feet are, but he’s upright and he concentrates on that. “I don’t think I’d be able to in this body even if I wanted to.”

“We should go somewhere else to do this,” Baekhyun decides as he brandishes his screwdriver in the direction of the door. Baekhyun understands Kyungsoo’s body better than Kyungsoo does, so the question must’ve been to figure out how Kyungsoo is feeling. “I don’t trust this place.”

“My room?”

“No, this entire estate,” Baekhyun replies, grabbing his bag. “Let’s go somewhere else.”

“It’ll take about an hour to get to the nearest town.”

“How do you know that?” Baekhyun asks. “I heard you weren’t allowed to leave this place.”

“Did you think I spent all my time smiling and being served?” Kyungsoo asks. Even his voice is being controlled by things beyond his knowledge, because it doesn’t shake as he speaks.

Baekhyun’s expression changes into something other than suspicion for a brief moment, but he looks away before Kyungsoo can figure out what it is.

“We’ll walk.”

“That’ll take hours,” Kyungsoo says in disbelief. “You’re hardly in any state to make the trek.”

“I’ll deal with it,” Baekhyun returns. “If I collapse, you can kill me in the middle of the woods and make a run for it. If I make it, we can exchange hearts and move on. It’s a win-win situation.”

Kyungsoo stares at him, gauging whether Baekhyun is completely sane.

“Come on,” Baekhyun says, ignoring Kyungsoo’s stare. “Let’s get out of here before everyone wakes up.”

Baekhyun seems to have been planning something like this for a while because he gets through the security system easily and within a few minutes, they’re out in the gardens.

Based on the swaying of the grass and the ruffle of his clothes, it’s windy tonight. But those are among the only things that Kyungsoo can use to determine the state of the outdoors. He closes his eyes for a moment trying to imagine what it would be like to feel the wind nip at his cheeks.

“The woods,” Baekhyun says, interrupting Kyungsoo’s reverie. “Do you know them?”

“I have GPS tracking,” Kyungsoo offers, but Baekhyun immediately shakes his head.

“Turn that off.”

“They’re going to think you’ve kidnapped me.”

“That’s not my biggest problem right now.”

Kyungsoo turns it off.

They walk along the edge of the estate for about thirty minutes before reaching the gate. Neither of them talk and Kyungsoo can’t even muster any surprise when Baekhyun deactivates the gate’s lock.

“Do you know why I’ve been brought back?” Baekhyun asks after they’ve walked quite a distance away from the estate.

“Brought back?” Kyungsoo asks as he tries to find his balance on the soft forest floor. “What do you mean brought back?”

“You weren’t the only one that jumped off that damn bridge,” Baekhyun says bitterly “I was just more successful in my end goal.”

Kyungsoo trips over a root and goes sprawling. He braces for pain as he reflexively thrusts his hands out in front of himself, but it doesn’t come. Baekhyun turns around to give him a once over but doesn’t stop walking, leaving Kyungsoo on the ground. Kyungsoo thinks he might feel some pain after all.

“Our hearts are bonded,” Kyungsoo explains as he stands up and brushes his clothes off. He didn’t have time to change into bed clothes today, so he’s wearing a loose-fitting shirt and some jeans. It’s more convenient than the silk pajamas he’s always forced to wear. “So that means they won’t let us stay apart.”

“A bond stronger than death,” Baekhyun murmurs. “How romantic.”

“Where are we going?” Kyungsoo asks, walking faster to catch up to Baekhyun.

“Further away,” Baekhyun answers, glancing at the moon through the tree branches.

“Why don’t we just take the main road?”

“Because it’ll be easier to get caught,” Baekhyun says, pulling out a flashlight from his bag. “And I don’t plan on letting you abandon me again until I get some answers. So, does this life of mine count as reincarnation then?”

“I don’t know.”

“And you didn’t have to get brought back, because you’ve been here the entire time.”

Kyungsoo pauses before answering, “Yes, I have.”

“Must be nice to be born with a silver spoon in your mouth,” Baekhyun continues. “Being waited on hand and foot doesn’t seem like the worst way to spend your time.”

Kyungsoo stops walking.

Baekhyun doesn’t notice until a few paces later and begins swinging his flashlight around until it lands on Kyungsoo like a spotlight.

“What’s wrong?”

“I-” Kyungsoo looks up at the moon. He doesn’t have any tear ducts. That’s too bad.

“Did you fall too hard? Are your parts giving you trouble?”

His parts. Kyungsoo curls his fingers, feeling vibrations as the metal joints slide smoothly back and forth.

Baekhyun runs back to check on him, boots thudding against the ground.

“I’ll give it to you now,” Kyungsoo says. He reaches out in front of himself, closing his eyes. “I don’t want to walk anymore.”

“No,” Baekhyun says, pushing Kyungsoo’s hand back down and shaking him. “Don’t do that.”

“What more do you want from me?” Kyungsoo asks, opening his eyes. “I can’t give you answers. I can’t fix what I did before. All I can do is give you back your heart.”

“I told you,” Baekhyun says, “I don’t plan on being abandoned again.”

“You can abandon me instead.”

“What’s wrong?” Baekhyun asks again, passing over Kyungsoo’s suggestion. “Tell me.”

For the first time since they’ve had their memories returned, Baekhyun isn’t looking at him with fear or disgust or apathy but with concern. It makes Kyungsoo feel worse.

“You should leave me here, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo says, running his hand along the ground. “What you said is right. The things I’ve done are unforgivable.”

“Then you should at least pay for what you’ve done,” Baekhyun says, but he doesn’t sound like he means it.

“I’ve spent half of my life taking other people’s love and the other half unable to feel anything at all,” Kyungsoo says, grabbing a fistful of dirt and letting it fall through his fingers. “I can’t feel _anything_. I ripped the skin on my hand and I couldn’t even tell until your flashlight was shone in my direction. The only reason I can tell there’s wind is because your hair moves along with the branches, and I can tell it’s cold because _you’re_ shivering not because I am. I can’t recall what it’s like to be hungry or to be uncomfortable. I haven’t felt another person’s touch in so long, I can’t even remember it anymore.” Kyungsoo looks at Baekhyun, smiling weakly. “How else do you want me to pay?”

“So you’re proposing I leave you here so that Madame Song can find you and take you back?” Baekhyun seems more upset than Kyungsoo. “They’ll take away your memories again and keep you alive for as long as they can.”

“I’m not human, Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo looks down at his dirty hands. “I can endure a bit more than that.”

“I was lying,” Baekhyun admits, taking Kyungsoo’s hands in his own. “About paying, I mean. I looked into how they turned you into this and the procedure is horrific. What they did to you wasn’t out of love. It was selfish and cruel.”

“Sounds just like me,” Kyungsoo says lightly, but Baekhyun shakes his head.

“Not anymore.” Baekhyun squeezes Kyungsoo’s hands and, even though he can’t feel the pressure, Kyungsoo understands what he’s trying to convey. “Something has changed.”

“Something…” Kyungsoo looks down at their hands. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

“I figured something out as we were walking,” Baekhyun declares, pulling Kyungsoo up with him. “When I first remembered everything, I was pretty pissed at you. I thought that you used me and then threw me away. But then you said that our hearts bonded.” Baekhyun tugs Kyungsoo back in the direction they were walking. “That means that whatever I felt had to be reciprocated by you, right?”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo confirms, following Baekhyun.

“That means that you… liked me a lot.” Kyungsoo can’t see Baekhyun’s face because he’s in front of him.

“You made me say it and yet you can’t say it yourself?”

“You liked me a lot and I liked you a lot,” Baekhyun continues, holding Kyungsoo’s hand a little tighter.

“I loved you and you loved me,” Kyungsoo interrupts because there’s no point in lying to themselves right now.

“Yes, that’s another way to put it,” Baekhyun agrees. “Maybe not the past tense though.”

“Right, no past tense,” Kyungsoo replies, stumbling over his words. It seems his brain still lags even if the rest of his body doesn’t. “Where are we going?”

“Somewhere,” Baekhyun answers.

“If you’re trying to get us to the nearest town-”

“Not a town,” Baekhyun cuts in. “You’ll see in about… now.”

They emerge from the cover of the trees to see a large lake glittering in front of them. The entire clearing seems to glow from the reflection of the moon and odd-looking plants under the water. There are distant sounds of dripping and, upon a closer listen, the soft trills of owls from up in the trees.

“What is this place?” Kyungsoo asks, stepping forward in amazement. “How have I never seen it before?”

“I went exploring when I needed to take a break and I found this place.” Baekhyun lets go of Kyungsoo’s hand to sit down. “You can take my heart out here.”

Kyungsoo sits down next to Baekhyun right on the edge of the lake. Tall cattails hide them from anyone passing by, although Kyungsoo’s highly doubtful anyone would be here at this time.

“Go on,” Baekhyun encourages. “I’ll be right here.”

Kyungsoo nods and closes his eyes, holding his hand out. All he has to do is picture it in his hand. He thinks of the warm, bloody heart he originally hid away. He imagines feeling it beat in the center of his palm and give off the lovely energy that Kyungsoo used to crave so badly, that he still craves at times.

Baekhyun lets out a small gasp and Kyungsoo opens his eyes to see that the heart has materialized just like it should.

“Does that look… purple?” Baekhyun asks, leaning in to get a better look. He turns on his flashlight and shines it over the heart. “Did you forget to give it oxygen?”

Kyungsoo holds it closer so that he can get a better look. It’s translucent, but it’s definitely not the color that it should be.

“No, it shouldn’t have changed,” he replies. It’s impossible for anything to change it from where he hid it.

“But it’s mine?” Baekhyun checks. “That’s my heart right there?”

“Yes, it is.” Kyungsoo holds it out to hand to Baekhyun, but Baekhyun shakes his head.

“I have an idea.” Baekhyun pushes the heart back toward Kyungsoo. “I’m giving it to you.”

“But-” Kyungsoo looks down at the heart. “I took this from you once. Why would you give it to me again?”

“Because I want to and because I already have one of my own.” Baekhyun taps his own chest.

“I can’t do anything with it,” Kyungsoo responds. “I’m not made of flesh and blood anymore. This is about as useful to me as that cattail is.”

“Just accept it,” Baekhyun says, watching Kyungsoo closely.

“Is this what your actual goal was?” Kyungsoo asks. “You took all this trouble to bring me out into the woods to give me something I’m trying to return?”

“My goal was to help you escape. No matter what kind of person you were in the past, what they were doing to you wasn’t right.”

“But why give me _your_ heart?”

“Because I have yours,” Baekhyun says. “It’s only fair that you get mine.”

They stare at each other and Kyungsoo is about to ask why again, but Baekhyun shakes his head.

“Accept it.”

He sounds so sincere and determined that Kyungsoo doesn’t have the heart to protest. The heart beats in his hand as if reminding him of its existence.

“Alright,” Kyungsoo says after a moment. “I’ll accept your heart.”

⺖

Baekhyun jumps in surprise when Kyungsoo’s entire body falls forward like there isn’t anything holding it up anymore.

“Kyungsoo?”

Baekhyun rushes forward to check on him, but to his dismay, Kyungsoo’s entire body seems to have shut down. There are no signs of any machinery working and the vibration of his power core has gone silent.

“Fuck.” Baekhyun reaches into his bag to grab a screwdriver. “What the fuck. You can’t leave me now, Kyungsoo.”

In his haste, Baekhyun realizes he’s lost track of where his heart went. He drops the screwdriver to look for that instead. Maybe it can help him.

Then, he hears a large splash.

Baekhyun whips his head around to see Kyungsoo spluttering and pulling himself out of the lake.

“Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun looks back down at where his body is supposed to be and is confused to see that it is. “Why are there two of you?”

The soaking wet Kyungsoo doesn’t answer as he flips over onto his back and begins doing deep breathing exercises.

Baekhyun decides to check on the living Kyungsoo because he seems to be able to give him some answers.

“Hey, take that off,” Baekhyun says, gesturing to Kyungsoo’s soaking wet shirt. It’s not the same as the one cyborg Kyungsoo is wearing—in fact, it looks like the clothes he was wearing when Baekhyun last saw him all those years ago, but… no that can’t be right.

Kyungsoo does as he says, still taking deep breaths. Taking off his coat, Baekhyun wraps Kyungsoo in it and checks his temperature. But as he makes sure Kyungsoo is alright, he realizes he missed something.

“I’m just going to check something, okay?” Baekhyun asks. Kyungsoo nods, wide eyes looking up at the sky.

His peels back the coat he just plastered onto Kyungsoo to get a better look at his torso.

“You have skin.” It’s not a plastic covering that gives way to his usual hardware. It’s skin. Warm, soft skin covers his entire torso. Baekhyun presses his ear to Kyungsoo’s chest and hears a steady _bump, bump, bump_.

“What are you doing?” Kyungsoo asks, reaching up to stroke Baekhyun’s hair. He sounds breathless and Baekhyun can feel his ribcage expanding and contracting beneath him.

“You’re alive,” Baekhyun says, trying to make sense of what he just said.

“I’m cold,” Kyungsoo responds.

“Oh, right, sorry.” Baekhyun gets up to wrap the coat back around him, but Kyungsoo stops him, grabbing his hand.

“I’m _cold_.” His eyes are opened wide with unshed tears. “Baekhyun, _I feel cold_.”

“You’re alive,” Baekhyun repeats, but this time with much more conviction. “Kyungsoo, I think you’re alive.”

Kyungsoo lets out a quiet sob and Baekhyun reaches out to pull him into a hug.

“It’s okay,” Baekhyun whispers, tearing up as well. “You’re okay.”

He looks over at the shell that used to hold Kyungsoo. Its eyes are still open and it seems to be looking off into the woods.

“We’re leaving this place,” Baekhyun declares. “They can have the body that they built, but they won’t ever have you again.”

“I’m sorry for what I did to you,” Kyungsoo murmurs into Baekhyun’s shoulder, “and to all those people I hurt. Thank you for forgiving me.”

“You’re welcome,” Baekhyun replies, letting out a small laugh. “Thank you for waiting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> o h m y g o d this was so difficult to write
> 
> also feel free to ask questions because this story is definitely confusing
> 
> thanks for sticking through to the end!


End file.
